A quarter life crisis is a mid-life crisis, but because you are not half-way through your life yet, you experience it in your mid 20s, hence “quarter-life”. You experience the same identity crisis and reconsider major decision in your life just as a person in their 50s. That is where we are now in our generation unfortunately.
My 20s was the worst and best rollercoaster ride that I have ever been on; I got married at 21, but still did not retire my running shoes. The least argument had me pack my suitcase because I never learned HOW to fight, I just knew how to run from fights. I attempted to take my own life. I changed my major 5 times, flunked the nursing entrance test twice (it wasn’t for me), was rejected from 2 universities, but at the right time was accepted to two prestigious ones. I managed life through PTSD, Anxiety and high functioning depression.
But it was not all bad: I gave birth to a wonderful and intelligent little lady, had some great jobs, pursued a major I am passionate about, got published, and most importantly my relationship with God was renewed and my internal peace was restored. So I want to use this post to share a few lessons learned and hopefully share some useful recommendations.
What is the vicious triangle of your 20s?
1- School
2- Relationships
3- Self-identity.
Newsflash!! You are not supposed to have it all figured out in your 20s. You graduated high school just the other day, so chill. I said chill, not go to sleep and wake up in your 30s. If you are lucky, this triangle will hit you all at once. You will get into a relationship you’re not sure about, you will need to decide a career at some point, and retire your Liberal Arts major (I had my AA in Liberal Arts by the way). Obviously you are still young, but as we all know times fly. The other underlying factor behind this triangle is also the fact that we live in a microwave generation, where everyone is looking for a quick door to success and money. We experience more pressure than before to become a lot of things before we turn 30.
So here are 5 ways to get yourself out of the overthinking, never-ending decisions wheeler.
1- You need God. Really simple. I don’t mean a third wheeler relationship, where your parents introduced you to God and you’ve been a fan of his ever since. I mean really opening up to him and asking for direction. Wouldn’t you rather ask someone who created the whole universe for guidance instead of trying to figure it out on your own? The good thing about relying on God is that he already has your purpose and objectives all figured out. He is just waiting for your invitation to start guiding you. Spirituality also means developing some self-care coping skills like praying, exercising, eating well and being self-aware. Take care of your mind, body and soul.
2- You need a healthy support system. You need some great friends that you can open up to and express what is currently happening in your life. You need to be able to talk it out so you can make sense of it. If you do not have friends or family members, go to your school guidance counsellor, the sessions do not cost anything. You can also get on the internet and find a local crisis hotline to get referral for a therapist or talk to someone on the spot if you fee like you are really on the edge. A healthy support system is also about developing a community. Get involved at your local church or sign up for clubs at your schools. If you do not have the time for activities, create some! A support system is important to your overall wellbeing.
3- Find a local organisation that needs volunteer. Read their mission, research their website to understand what they do and send an application to volunteer. Even if you are not too sure about the work they do, try it. You never know, you might end up liking it more than you imagined. Volunteering for a great cause can provide you with a sense of fulfilment and makes you feel loved. Volunteering also provides you with real world experience that can go on your resume. This is an opportunity to try out different fields and what the day-to-day might be life, or at least be around people who do the things that you would like to do in the future. This will greatly help you to decide your major. I remember when I thought I wanted to study nursing, but I kept volunteering at shelter, soup kitchens, crisis hotline because I enjoyed these kind of work. I then realized I was pursuing nursing out of family trend, but I did not really like it.
4- Create a vision board/ SVC board. Read the post on SVC Lifestyle and feel free to skip to the end to understand more about the SVC framework. It is not enough to simply write down your vision for the future. You also need to assess past mistakes, current areas of improvement and develop future plan to be your best self, holistically.
5- Take a self-care break. Delete all of your social media applications on your phone and focus on other things. If you find yourself feeling bored out of your mind, take a walk. Creativity flows when we are bored. If you are always preoccupied by other people and things, it could be hard to make genuine decision that will benefit you. Stop scrolling and go meet some people in person. Develop a plan to improve your intelligence. Visit your local library go to the self-help section or other topics of your choosing, watch a documentary on someone you admire, read on a topic you dislike like science or technology, find a free course online and register, dress up professionally and attend a free conference and start networking.
Whatever you do, do not isolate yourself and wallow in self-pity. It is a waste of time and I say this with the most genuine intention. Pray, eat well, serve others, love yourself and be patient. Your time will come. As long as you keep making little steps every day, your time will come. I hope you believe that. Take care!
If you like this post, feel free to share it or comment, and subscribe for more.
Patricia Mura Desert 