“A woman is the full circle. Within her is the power to create, nurture and transform.”– Diane Mariechild

There are several reasons women are transitioning from working full time to being at home. The Generation Report by Working Mother Research Institute found that 83% of millennials surveyed believe that one parent should be home when a child gets off from school. A CNN article outlined that our generation is finding the choice to be at home a very personal one, and most are opting to work from home in order to have the flexibility needed to be a parent. Another article published with Forbes also portrayed that millennials are finding it easier to work from home just to have that family flexibility and report 56% prefer to stay home instead of working outside.

One of the most common reason for staying at home I read about is not being able to afford child care cost. Any parents with children in daycare in the US can testify to the $250 to $500 weekly cost range. Once your child starts pre-K, you then have to consider the morning, after-school and evening cost if you work until 5 pm. The conflict is due to the fact that most jobs end around 5, while most Kindergaten school ends at 12

Some of the most important benefits of staying at home I came across were ensuring a healthy development for the child, wanting to be the primary caretaker and educators in child’ life and family decision to have one parent at home among others.

While there are many benefits of being home to see to the well-being and education of our children, we also know that stay-at home mothers are at greater risk of experiencing sadness and grief over their previous career. So here are 5 tips to help smooth this transition – I hope they’re useful.

1- Stay in contact with your colleagues and friends.

When I first transitioned to being home full time, I still talked on the phone with my girlfriend everyday at lunch time because lunch time was always the highlight of our workday. So I kept the same routine for over 6 months and it helped me a great deal. Another great thing about staying in contact with your colleagues is that you are still abreast of what is going on and if you transitioned from a managerial position, you are still able to be useful to your colleagues in some ways. I remember one day I was on my way to the library with daughter when one of my coworkers called me to share that they were continuing with the local Summer picnic I initiated for clients who lived too far to come to the agency annual picnic. I facetime with my whole team, and it was a great feeling to know that my work continues to make an impact in my absence. That is why it is also very important to leave work on a positive note. Staying in contact with your friends provide you with a healthy support system. They check in on you and you on them so you are not completely submerged into baby talks 24/7. You are able to recover faster from the bad days and rekindle with your purpose of being home. Your friends will remind you to engage in self-care when you don’t feel like it and will give you just the push that you need. If you do not have friends, make some. Friendship is good for your overall health.

2- Find a new hobby or develop a self-care routine.

First of, get up and get dressed every morning! This will change your whole attitude about being home. Do something that does not involve your child. You might think that you are so busy with your child and errands that you do not have the time for this, but if you want to still recognize yourself after a couple of months, you need to have something just for you. Being at home is almost similar to being at work; some days you are extremely busy and barely have time to sit, and some other days you have hours of down time. While at work, you can walk to your friends’ cubicle and chat a bit about nothing, at home you may find yourself walking in circle, sleeping or going out of your mind. Thus, it is important to have something that helps you to remain connected with your best self. For me it is mostly blogging and journalling. I have also gotten back to yoga/exercise in order to stay in shape both physically and mentally. Having that kind of self-love routine helps us to be at peace with our decision to be home. You will have days where you wish you were at work, but if you can make being at home worth it, this feeling will not loom over your head like a dark cloud.

3- Develop a schedule with your child, but leave room for adjustment.

The first few months of being at home was close to a disaster because I had such high expectations of how much I could get done in one day until I found out that my daughter was keeping her own schedule as well. So I would wake up anxious not knowing how the day is going to go, but after a few weeks I started to develop a pattern and I try as hard as I can to stick to it. Keeping a schedule helps you to maintain that same structure you had when you were working outside of your home. Create weekly goals. If you find that you have a very empty schedule, start researching local activities or things to do with your child. One of my girlfriends takes her daughters some place different every week during the Summer. It’s their routine, her daughters love it and she gets to get out of her house to do something fun at little to no cost.

4- Stay committed to your professional development.

Just because you quit your job does not mean you need to quit on your professional development. Not all mothers who make that transition have the time to keep a part time job because that will create the same dilemma of having to find child care ect…. But If you’re lucky to find a great job from home and you have the time for it, jump on the occasion!! Having something part time can help your transition back to work easier and eliminate the gap on your resume. Maybe, you don’t want to commit to another job, and that’s okay. Still, find other ways to get involved whether in your local community or with other organizations of interest. You can continue to advocate or volunteer for something you’re passionate about. This helps to fulfil your sense of belonging and purpose in your community. Take a course, start learning something new, do something to keep your mind in shape. Stay involved as much as you can! Whatever you choose to do make sure it’s meaningful.

5- Develop a goal for your home parenting.

So you want to be home to raise your child, now that you are, what’s the game plan? This may sound trivial because we think, well, our presence is enough. That is also true. But I think we can maximize the impact of our presence by parenting with intentions. My philosophy was that if I’m going to be at home, I needed it to really count. The question we can ask is: What is it that I want my child to gain from my presence aside from the love? I go for walks and sometimes do yoga with my daughter, take her to the library to get books that we read together daily, I encourage her to do things on her own but most importantly I have frequent conversation with her and teach her about God. My goal is that she develops a love for God, strong desire for learning from books and nature, and that she loves her mind as much as her body. So our time together is mostly educational and fun! Generational trauma is real and bad habits can be transferred to our children when we’re not looking. I read this line from a HuffPost article “Look at your childhood through the lens of the parent that you are, not the lens of the child that you were.“ What kind of parent you needed? What is the impact of your parents on your life? When we are intentional, we can then see the whole child and see all of the parts of ourselves in that child, whether good or bad, and make plan to improve ourselves to become better role models.

To be honest, the list could be longer, but it is not a one size fits all. You have to find the set of structures and patterns that work best for you. Your main goal is to be at peace with your decision, because if you’re not, your frustrations will come out in subtle ways and your children will remember how unhappy their mother was with staying home to take care of them. Pray, stay connected, take care of yourself and just keep in mind that this assignment is the most important assignment you will ever have. You are impacting future generation. Make the best of it!