Yesterday I almost cancelled a very important workshop because as a full time mother, who is also working from home, child care coverage is not always a guarantee.

Here is the story:

I am fortunate to live close to my family in-law, who watches my daughter when I have important presentations, whether online or in the community. However, I cannot exactly ask someone to reschedule doctors’ appointments because I have a workshop to do. My husband has a full time schedule, and although he takes over the watch when he comes home early, this possibility is not always available as his job is not as flexible as mine. Although I take my daughter everywhere with me, when it comes to new organizations or meeting new people, I always have reservation. So I sent a genuine email to the organizer, explaining that my daughter will be home with me for the day and unfortunately will need to cancel the workshop for that day. At 10 pm, the office manager contacted me on my phone, and said “bring your daughter with you, we will keep her busy in the office with crayons and books.” I hesitated for a moment, but in the morning I discussed this with my husband, and we thought “Okay, why not?”

But this is not why I am writing this post. There is something bigger to see here.

A few months ago, I was searching for conferences/seminars/workshops on mental health in Massachusetts to attend. Most of them were in day time and none of them seem to accommodate mothers of small children. I then started to google information on mothers, who have taken their children to professional conferences. I typed “mothers who take children to conferences“, and I found some strong recommendations NOT TO, because as mothers we won’t be able to focus (Understandable). I also found this article with science mag. of a professor explaining her anxious feelings about presenting a lecture at a conference, not because she was not sure of her presentation, but she was worrying about child care. Thankfully, her conference provided free child care assistance. I also read another article strongly recommending that all conference provide child care. I read some recommendations for organizers and some other advocacy piece for more family-friendly conferences. Yet, with all of these opinions and recommendations on the subject, the challenges remain.

I deferred my admission to Columbia University for a year when I found out I was pregnant. However, I was fortunate to complete my degree online with the school of social work, and I had classes with very understanding professors, who had no issues if my daughter popped up in my class on webcam every now and then. For my field work on the other hand, it was constant advocacy on my part to explain to my Directors/field Supervisor that I do not need to be in the agency office until 7 pm to complete my reports.

Now that I am out of school, I am seeing this same challenge again in the field as a working professional. Every time I am invited somewhere, my first determinant for attendance is this question “is it child friendly?” I have used daycare for the first 3 years of my daughters’ life. Although it was very convenient, it was emotionally draining for our family and extremely unfair to our budget. Most mothers I know place their small children in daycare because they expressed having no other options. Before my daughter turned 4, I made the conscious decision to be home with her, and to continue to be home for her when she will be coming back from school. But that does not mean I am automatically quitting the workforce. I still love working!!!

Here are my questions: Why do we operate as if every woman in the professional world is childless? Why do we assume that all professional women have child care coverage? With so many women in the workforce, why are we not seeing more conferences/events with child care option?

Fighting for gender equality is not simply a matter of paycheck comparison. Even WHEN we do get to the generation where women are paid the same as men, I can guarantee you that it still won’t be enough when you factor in child care cost. Schools end at 12, then you have after school from 12-3 for extra cost, and then evening care from 3 – 6pm for another fee, this simply to cover a whole 9-5 shift for a mother, who works outside of the home. Now, of course, men pay childcare too, but let’s not in that thought, exclude professional women, who are single mothers.

I believe, women in the workforce have the power to change this narrative. Just like this woman manager, who pressed me to bring my daughter, so I can lead this workshop, female executives can address these issues in their environment as well. The possibilities are really endless: flexibility with schedule, on site daycare, child care assistance during events, children activity with a professional while mom is presenting ect….. I think most organizers will find that mothers would be willing to pay a little more on their ticket to have that child care coverage on site. If your organization can afford to provide this for free, this will attract so many female talents, who are probably not coming to your events or giving their best to a project because of child care coverage. This challenge is physically and emotionally taxing on so many working families. While we are waiting for the scale to balance on gender equality, there are small things that we, women, can do to create an inclusive environment in our workplace.

I ended up presenting the workshop while my daughter spent all of her time watching “Barbie show” and coloring. Toward the end, she came by standing with me like she had something to present herself. I thought about the work ethic that is being instilled in her so early, and all of the other lessons that she was learning at that moment. I thought about this group of immigrant individuals, who are benefiting from what I have to teach because the office manager did not see my daughter as an inconvenience to the event, but as a little human being, who might need something to do while mom is working.

So, while we are waiting for things to shift, why don’t we engage in the little meaningful changes like this office manager and so many other wonderful managers out there.