Don’t make a scene! Wait for your turn! Do not interrupt others! Be nice! Don’t ask questions! That (insert behavior) is not lady-like! Watch your manners! Make yourself useful! Make papa/mommy proud! Don’t brag!

If these childhood statements still echo in your brain on a daily basis, and you are struggling to find a balance between what you want to do and what others want from you, you probably have not grown out of your good-girl tendencies.

One thing to keep in mind, there is nothing wrong in these statements themselves. The issue is not upgrading their meaning to fit your current lifestyle. For example: Just because your mom used to tell you that it is bad manners to question older people, does not mean this applies to you for the rest of your life. Some advice have expiration date. As you grow older, it is important to do your own research, get to know who you are becoming and how can you best respond to your needs in order to progress in life.

Now, that does not mean you need to completely disregard the value in “not questioning older people.” Professional humility is a positive attribute, and you will live longer if you learn to move on sometimes, instead of going around constantly questioning what everyone says. Thus, discernment is key!!! Learn to glean and work with what works for you. Accepting an advice is never a black or white, yes or no process. Some advices you receive are more effective when implemented halfway.

Here is the list:

1- The desire to keep everyone happy.

2- Not claiming credit for your work.

3- Fear of speaking up or standing up for yourself.

4- Giving your competition the benefits of the doubts.

5- Fear of taking charge.

I could expand more on these, but I found this article on Psychology Today that is supremely useful on how to overcome these killer tendencies. I did not make this all up, “good-girl syndrome” is really a thing. I struggle with it every day too, thanks to my loving, the most well-mannered lady I know, my Queen maternal grand-mother, who raised me for the first brain-shaping years of my existence. I love her to pieces, and it feels so wrong to be so selective with some of the things she taught me at this point in my life. But I know she meant well and 90% of her wisdom will serve me well for the rest of my life.

I hope this post serves you as a starting point to holistic success.

Just remember this, if your heart has a problem with it, if it feels wrong in your rational mind, it probably is wrong FOR YOU.

Rise UP and BE! Start getting uncomfortable, it will be worth it.