“When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me.” 1Corinthians 13:11

The baby growing in his mother’s womb depends on his mother for nutrients and oxygen. Then as a baby out in the world, starting the developing stages, he depends on the environment including his parents to learn good and bad and starts to understand how the world works. As an adolescent and young adult, he starts to learn how world systems work and how to rely on them to get through life. However, there comes a point in any man’s life where he needs to start thinking for himself. Not simply regarding his goals and dreams, but also regarding any detrimental ideas that he may have picked up on his way to manhood, whether from his parents or the world’ systems.

There are habits that we may have unconsciously picked up from our parents during childhood that must be cut off from our life the minute we become aware of their destructive consequences. As independent adults bringing food into our own mouth, breathing without relying on the blood supply of our parent, we can no longer afford to blame our parents for our mistakes! There is that fear of giving up bad childhood habit like doing so will offend our parents and set us apart. We are afraid of suddenly being the black sheep of the family. WHY? See, the umbiilical cord has no nerve that is why when it is clamped and cut, both the mother and baby feel nothing. What if you were to consider these childhood habits like an umbilical cord? What if you decide that to be the last person to perpetuate the dysfunction? Why not you?…… All you really need is to change your perspective.

Mathew 6:22,23, refer to “our eye as the lamp of the body, and if the eye is good then our body will be full of light; if the eye is bad, then the body will be full of darkness”. I understand this verse in term of hindsight or perspective. You need to look at your responsibility as a son or daughter in a different way. You are not just your parents’ child, you are now a grown up, who is influencing other people around you every day, whether you know it or not. Growing up in a dysfunctional household should be the first indication to be a high alert with ourselves in order to catch and address any replications of that dysfunction. All it takes is for one person to decide to be a better parent, spouse, son or daughter to break an intergenerational curse. But if you are blind to your own behavior or that of your parents, then there is no way of improving anything. And there goes a whole generation with one failed marriage after the other, one abusive parent after the other, one traumatized victim after the other.

If there is one thing I learn about becoming my own person, independent of my parents’ relationships, marriage or parenting syle is that with God anything is possible! While it is very important to enlist the support of professionals and friends while initiating behavioral change, I believe it is even more important to get on this journey with the God who created you or your parents in the first place. Having God while going through changes provides you with clarity and self-confidence that you are changing the right behavior. You might think that all you need to do to break the cycle is not to physically abuse your family, when in fact your heart and everything you are carrying inside of it is where the change really needs to happen. You might think if you can control your words, then you can break the cycle, when really what you need to improve is how to express your love appropriately to your family.

Growing in a challenging environment does not mean you automatically inherit everything from that environment. However, it does not hurt to be self-aware. The earlier we can recognize the signs in ourselves, the better it will be for our children or future generation. Let the cycle stops with you!